How I Stay Authentic To Me
The concept of authenticity comes up from time to time in my mind. I work hard to get to know myself each day, stay in touch with what I need in the present moment. An unexpected byproduct of prioritizing self-care and self-expression has been learning what authenticity means to me. By understanding myself better, I can show up more as the version of Payton that I am today. To stay authentic is to stay curious about myself.
I often look at artists as people who do this best. Their work is a display of their emotions. They create space to discover who they are and offer those learnings to the world through their chosen medium — music, paintings, photography, movies, etc. They have practice tapping into who they are and a way to express how they feel about it. In fact, it’s their job to do so. Whether or not all of them choose to display that raw version of self, well, that’s a different story.
What can lead to inauthenticity is when we choose to prioritize others over ourselves. When we suck up to the boss to get a promotion or we drink one more drink to stay secure in our friendships or we keep our passions inside because we worry what everyone will say, we slowly lose our authenticity. Gregory Jantz explains to Psychology Today, “people often are inauthentic because they believe it’s what others want to see: “instead of showing up as yourself, you show up as the person you think everyone else will like.” It’s easier to be a version of ourselves that we know someone will like rather than to be authentic and risk feeling misunderstood.
When I was younger, my friends referred to me as a “chameleon.” I could get along with a lot of different types of people. I think in some ways this is a compliment but in others, it spoke to my lack of authenticity. I showed up how others needed me to be instead of being who I was unapologetically. Often, after social gatherings, I’d feel depleted. Work exhausted me. I frequently daydreamed about being someone else completely. Being a mirror to others wasn’t fulfilling.
Through this site and on our podcast, Emily and I have prioritized getting to know ourselves better. We journaled, talked, checked in, and slowed down. This process helped us identify where we gathered our energy and what lit us up and uncover the activities that truly served us. We spent more time zoning in on ourselves rather than caring about what made others happy. Something as simple as being seen by a friend can be so powerful.
Authenticity is challenging and it looks different for everyone. Practicing mindfulness, being vulnerable, and creating a safe space for others to do the same will give us more chances to discover it. By being authentically me, I spark joy. I find other people who like similar things. I feel energized at the end of the day. I gain confidence. Most importantly, I show up for me instead of for someone else.
