The Art of Surrendering Control: 3 Things It Brings
It’s not easy to release control. I romanticize life and when things don’t pan out the way I dream them to, it can feel like a let down. Recently, I’ve focused on surrendering to the moment. What if it was all supposed to happen this way? The bumps in the road, the wrong turns, the annoying fight, the embarrassing fall — what if it all leads to a bigger story?
The art of surrendering to me looks like being present in life. It means finding beauty in the unexpectedness of it all. It feels like enjoying the situation for what it is, even if it’s not what you want it to be. It’s immensely challenging but most art forms are, which is how I see it.
Last weekend, for example, I was running late to meet a friend. I took a wrong turn that put me on a freeway going the opposite direction at 5pm in Los Angeles. You can imagine the traffic…it was horrendous. Even going 0.5 miles to the closest exit was going to be 10 minutes minimum. I was irritated the whole way, zooming past people, honking my horn, and feeling my stress levels rise each second. The reality was still the reality and being angry didn’t do anything for me other than redden my cheeks and frustrate me before seeing my friend.
I think about what I could’ve gotten from that situation. What if I had laughed and looked out the window to see a celebrity driving next to me? What if I had tuned into the song playing and relived a happy memory as I inched forward in traffic? What if I had discovered a new place that I wanted to go to in the future? Who knows if any of those things would’ve actually happened; that’s not the point. The point is that they could’ve and I don’t want to go through life thinking, I could’ve. I want to go through life saying, I did.
As a writer, I love observing everything. I love seeing details that others may miss. I love meeting people and hearing what makes them smile. I love collecting moments that become memories that I can share. So for me, surrendering is a goal because it it allows for:
Unexpected adventures
Let’s say there’s a block in the road which leads to a detour. On that path, I discover a new coffee shop. I decide to pull off and grab a third coffee for the day. I meet someone in line who’s producing their first movie. We hit it off and they say I fit this mold for a role. I say, I’ve never acted. They say, it doesn’t matter. The next week, I quit my day job and soon, I work on movie sets. What if?
People who get to have unexpected adventures are people who surrender to the moment. They aren’t methodical and closed off to trying new things. If you want to live a practical life, be practical. If you want to live an adventurous life, have adventures.
2. Feeling feelings
Surrendering to the moment doesn’t always look like a miraculous adventure. To me, it can also look like feeling your tough feelings. It can mean giving yourself some TLC and watching that one movie that always makes you cry.
I’m not afraid to feel sad and in fact, sometimes those hard moments bring me to a new level of introspection or empathy. I understand and relate and discover meaning in a way that I didn’t have the capacity to before. And when I’m most present with my feelings, it’s often easier to know how to give myself what I need to feel stable again.
3. Opportunities to connect
The third piece I learn from practicing the art of surrendering control is connection. I notice the way the leaves are on the trees. I hear the sounds of the city. I recognize how lucky I am to be healthy and alive. I have capacity to listen to what others are saying. I feel the words in books and on screen in a deep way. I’m not waiting for anything or concerning myself with what isn’t right in front of me. I’m connecting to myself and the world around me.
I love a good story. Leaning into the art of surrendering is the best way to live an epic story, one that brings adventure, peace, connection, and understanding. Who doesn’t want that?
