Last Week I Was In a Mental Funk

I’m typically a go-go-go person. I love having a long list of to-dos and I love crossing things off one by one. I take pride in accomplishing a lot in a day. Though I enjoy it, I can also see how it’s not always the healthiest mindset. I experienced the repercussions of that last week. I was in a total funk.

There are times for all of us where we feel the need to crawl up in a ball, hide under the covers, and listen to sad music. That was me. Nothing seemed to matter. Work seemed pointless. My passion projects fell to the side. All I could really do was cry and watch Normal People which, by the way, is now my favorite show…maybe of all time. I don’t know how I went this long without watching it. Seriously, not to be too dramatic, but it changed my outlook on life.

Besides obsessing over everything Normal People, most notably Paul Mescal, I did close to nothing. Work was work. I showed up, finished what I had to, and turned off as soon as I could. I paused everything No Plans (turns out Em needed a break as well). I had a few minor freak outs. I cried. I called friends. I journaled, played music, and wrote some nonsense. It was a lot of feeling feelings.

I suffer from anxiety, as most of us do in the modern age. Mine can get really bad and sometimes it takes me out for a week. I’ve learned that it happens and it’s okay to take breaks. I’m not embarrassed or ashamed to admit it. I’m not scared of taking mental health days. I don’t withhold my emotions from friends and family. All feelings, no matter how hard, are meant to be felt. So instead of running away, I let myself feel them.

It was painful and raw. It made no logical sense. It came after I got back from vacation with my closest friends and during a time when I was working on some exciting projects. Instead of judging myself, I just leaned into what my body was screaming at me. Feeling the hard feelings is never fun. I never think, ah, I’m so glad I’m sitting here crying. But, it’s always useful. It always teaches me something.

During these moments, I like to acknowledge that I’m more vulnerable and susceptible to everything. I try to surround myself with love and comfort in whatever way I need. Songs, books, movies, food, people — I know what offers me comfort and I choose to spend more time in those areas. And then, eventually, it fades. I balance out. I feel more equipped to handle the world. Today was that day for me; it was a good day.

I share this to say, it’s okay if you’re going through something. It’s okay if you feel like you’re in a mental funk. It’s okay to show up in ways you want to and to hide otherwise. It’s okay to say, I need a break. And I swear, if you want a good show to cry to, watch Normal People.